‘And in my brother’s face I see my own unanswered agony’ — R.H Blyth
A stoic gaze peers out between a furrowed brow and masculine beard, a gaze that seems either unaware of or unwilling to admit the gaping hole in the middle of its face. The masculine wound is like this: a crucial piece is missing, yet we carry on. Often we cannot even define what it is we lack let alone provide it for ourselves or begin to ask for it. Over time, scar tissues and compensation grow and calcify, encrusting the original being in the baggage of a life half lived. Longing for things we cannot name, we speak and act in ways that let ourselves and others down, deepening our feelings of abandonment and shame.
Men’s work is where we can start to undo this predicament —to take our power back by taking responsibility for the situations we find ourselves in and showing up better for ourselves and for the world. Most men try mightily, but the truth is we cannot do this work alone. Just as women need sisterhood, men need brothers, and while all people contain both masculine and feminine energy, the power of men’s work comes from providing supportive men-only spaces for us to be seen in our efforts and to see others who are like us engage in the work.
Men’s work has been the missing piece in my own adult development, and I have come to see it as a crucial component arriving late to the wider conversation of healing and growth. Men’s work as I practice it is open to all sexual orientations, and welcoming to all those who self-identify as masculine.
I currently co-facilitate the Montreal chapter of Arka Brotherhood as lieutenant, alongside the captain, Thaer Jetlelal.
Arka is a North-American wide leadership development container dedicated to forging integrity and accountability in men through coaching and peer support.
The focus in our meetings is on speaking truth, listening deeply, and providing mutual support. Men join us to overcome self-sabotage, be challenged and celebrated, and to set goals and be accountable for them.
Periodically we offer open houses free to the public as opportunities for anyone interested to come and try out the work for themselves. After attending an open house, an request can be made to start the application process.
If you are in Montreal and interested in attending an open house you can find us on both Meetup and Eventbrite, or email me at nicvandergugte@gmail.com with any questions.